Sweet Dreams
by Cats070911
Summary: Tommy's nightmare leads to a unexpected realisation but can he ever convince Barbara?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply.

* * *

"Barbara!" Silence. "Baaaaarbaaaaraaa!"

Tommy felt as if he were running through thigh high mud. He expended effort but made no progress. He was trapped in an icy, gelatinous goo. He struggled forward calling for Barbara, desperate to find her. In the distance he could hear crying. He waded toward the sound but it echoed and confused him. He could not tell if he was getting closer or further away.

Then another voice drifted down. "Darling! Over here."

"Helen? Why are you here?"

He wanted to cry out to Barbara again but his throat was dry and scratchy. He coughed and a cloud of red dust filled the air. Blinded, he flailed in the sludge that was dragging him under. Every step he took he got deeper until only his head was above it. It became warm and comforting trying to lure him to his doom. He did not want to be there. He wanted Barbara.

Helen appeared from the dust and beckoned to him. "Three more steps Tommy and you'll be with me forever."

He stopped moving. He did not dare breathe. He waited and hoped. He had the strength for one more effort. He turned slowly and took one step away. He blinked, not believing his eyes. In the distance Barbara was standing on a pillar, dressed in flowing golden robes. He smiled. Just the sight of her made him feel hope. He took a step, then another and another until he was running as hard as he could. He fell at the base of the pillar and beseeched her forgiveness. "I'm a fool. I love you Barbara. Only you. You complete me, balance me, give me a reason to fight. Take me back, please!"

Barbara peered down emotionlessly at him. He knew that look. Frustration, chastisement and pity tempered by an undeniable affection. She slowly shook her head. "You've had long enough." She turned and began to fly away.

"Nooooooooooooo! Stay! Baaaaaarbaaaaaaaraaaa!"

* * *

Tommy picked his sergeant, Barbara Havers, up at seven o'clock to drive down to Canterbury where the local police had arrested their suspect in the murder of a young prostitute.

"Are you alright Sir?" she asked as she climbed into the passenger seat of his car.

"Yes, just tired Barbara. I had weird nightmares." He was pleased in one way that she had noticed but he worried where it might lead. The dream echoed through his head.

"Well you know what they say, dreams are the window to the soul."

"Mmm," he replied noncommittally.

"If that's the case with me then I'm in trouble!"

"You have nightmares?"

"Doesn't everyone?"

"I suppose in our line of work we see more things the mind has to process."

Barbara smiled kindly at him and he knew she was thinking about his reaction to Helen's violent death. "Yeah, we do sometimes. I mainly have nightmares about things in the past but in different settings or different endings. I think it's healthier than bottling it up."

Tommy studied her carefully. She had always been his confidante but was he really in love with her? He certainly loved her and he was physically attracted to her, something he had tried hard to ignore over the years. But in love? It did not feel like it had with Deborah or Helen but neither of those relationships had been perfect, or even particularly happy. Far from it. Oddly, being with Barbara, even when she frustrated him, made him happy. Could he really be in love with her?

"Wise as always Sergeant. Do you dream about when you were shot?" Tommy often dreamt about that and how it felt to almost lose her. It was one of his worst nightmares.

"No, not really but for a long time I dreamt I was shot by that stupid fat copper."

"I was never going to let that happen."

"How could you stop it? I was the one goading him into it. Something snapped. I was glad you were outside though." Tommy noticed her face blushing. He remembered the feel of her in his arms and smiled. It was the only time they had hugged but not the only time he had wanted to hold her or have her hold him.

"Me too." He smiled reassuringly at her hoping she understood that he had wanted to protect her and comfort her.

Barbara's face flushed a deep crimson and she lowered her eyes. "Sometimes I dream that I couldn't stop Emily Barlow and turn that boat around. Sometimes I...let's talk about something else."

"You saved Hadiyyah's life, and mine." This time he looked at her with undisguised admiration. Barbara could not hold his gaze.

"You saved her. I just came back so you didn't have to swim to shore."

"We're a good team Barbara."

"Yeah. Yeah, we are Sir, we are."

They sat in silence for the next ten minutes until Tommy spoke. "Do you ever wonder what the pilgrims talked about as they walked to Canterbury?"

"Tall tales to earn a meal?"

Tommy looked at her and frowned. She never ceased to surprise him. "Very clever Barbara. I see you're acquainted with Mr Chaucer."

"Not really acquainted Sir, let's say I'm aware of him. Something tells me you were thinking of real pilgrims."

He nodded. "I was. I don't know the answer. I was just wondering."

"Contemplation of their lives, specifically their sins and redemption I imagine."

"Hmm, for some of us that would require a lot of contemplation. Do you ever wake up and think 'I've been a fool'?"

"Yeah, but I don't have to be asleep to think that about you."

She sounded serious but her cheeky grin gave her away. "Very droll Sergeant."

"So why have you been a fool this time?" There was mischief in her voice as if she was expecting another of his misdemeanours.

Tommy saw the lay-by exit and swung off the M2 and pulled up behind a Waitrose lorry. He looked across at her. Her raised eyebrow sought an answer. "Coffee?"

He bought two over-priced and under-heated coffees from the van at the head of the lay-by. Barbara stood by the bonnet of his car and accepted the cup from him. "They serve Standard NATO, whether you want it or not."

"Ta." He knew she was expecting him to tell her something. "Is something about the case bothering you? Have we missed something?"

"No, it's not the case. It's about us."

"Us? What's wrong with us?" she asked suspiciously. "You've got a promotion haven't you? You're leaving me."

Tommy was pleased with the hint of fear and panic in her voice. "No, the opposite."

"You've been demoted?" she asked incredulously.

"No! It's not about work, it's about you and I, as people."

"We're coppers, not people." She sounded nervous. "Will you just tell me what's wrong Sir?"

Tommy put his empty cup onto the roof of his car. He then leant in and gently kissed her. She shoved him away. "What the hell are you doing?"

It was not the reaction he had expected but he could understand that after ten years together it was logical. "I realised last night I'm in love with you."

All the colour drained from Barbara's face before it flushed a furious puce. She started to climb back in his car. "From your dream? You have a nightmare then think it's okay to say that! You are a fool Sir. Now drive to Canterbury or we'll be late." She slammed the car door in his face.

Tommy stammered an apology. When he drove off their cups flew off the roof littering the ground and he felt guilty. He tried again. "Barbara, I'm sorry. I honestly thought that you might...respond differently."

"You mean fall into your arms like every other woman does. No, I am not your comfort woman Sir. I deserve more respect."

Tommy could not help but feel angry. She had completely misread his motives. "And you have it. That had nothing to do with comfort or even sex. Did you hear the part where I said I am in love with you?"

"Yeah, I also heard the part where you said you realised last night. How do suddenly wake up from a nightmare and go 'oh, I love Barbara'? Love comes slowly, it creeps up on you until it overwhelms you. You don't dream it up!"

"It has crept up on me slowly and I don't think it matters when you realise as long as you realise."

"I don't want to discuss it any more. I accept your apology for kissing me. Now just drive."

The next few days were hell for Tommy. Barbara had been professional but cool towards him and work had consumed every minute of their day. He had not been alone with her since the drive down to Canterbury and he was beginning to think she was engineering it that way.

The case finally wrapped up and all the paperwork was completed. Tommy decided to ask Barbara to the pub to talk but when he went to her desk she had gone. He grabbed his coat and checked the pubs they frequented but she was not to be found. He drove slowly past her flat but there were no lights on. He cursed and thumped his hand on the steering wheel then drove home.

He sat in his favourite Chesterfield chair toying with his phone. He took another sip of whiskey then typed his message.

 _We need to talk._

He watched anxiously for a response. It was ten minutes and two whiskies before it arrived.

 _No we don't. Everything's fine._

 _It's not. May I come over?_

 _No, I'm exhausted._

 _I'm sorry - about everything. Sleep well._

There was no reply.


	2. Chapter 2

Barbara had barely slept in three days. Everything with Tommy had been going so well until he had unexpectedly kissed her. They barely argued anymore, not seriously anyway, and they had reached what she had thought was a comfortable equilibrium; a balanced friendship where they both understood that they needed each other to stay sane but where there was no hint of romance. She had been able to enjoy being with him without expectations.

She worried she was to blame for his disturbing outburst. Maybe she had admired him too openly, too blatantly? Maybe he had seen her stealing long looks at his sweet face or she had somehow unconsciously crossed that forbidden line first. She had once dared to put her arm around his waist when he had draped his over her shoulder. Surely that was not enough to make him think she welcomed his favours!

Not once in her soul-searching did she consider that what he had said was true. Barbara may have been in love with him for a decade but in her mind, there was no earthly way he could ever return those feelings, no matter how much she wished he could. He was pitiful in matters of the heart; a romantic with unrealistic expectations of love. She doubted any woman could ever satisfy the yearning in his soul. In a way she wished she could but she knew he needed a sophisticated woman who could match his intellect and behave flawlessly in his social circle. Her only virtue was that she loved him more than life itself.

She was tempted to give in and have a fling with him but she did not want to be just another notch in a long line of notches. More importantly, she could endanger the closeness they shared. She knew her role and she would adhere to it. Being cool and remote for a week or so until he forgot about it would suffice as a warning and then they could drift back to normality; something she knew they both needed.

She was under the shower when she heard her phone buzz. She knew it would be Tommy. She had hidden in the Ladies when she had heard him open his office door. She waited until he left then had come straight home. In a fit of paranoia, she had sat by her window in the dark until she had seen him drive past. She knew he would; he was, if nothing else, predictable. She finished her shower before she checked what he wanted.

 _We need to talk._

She hurriedly typed her reply.

 _No, we don't. Everything's fine._

 _It's not. May I come over?_

She smiled as she wondered what he would think if he knew she was standing naked in her bedroom. For a brief second, she thought about saying yes until common sense and her resolve kicked in.

 _No, I'm exhausted._

 _I'm sorry - about everything. Sleep well._

Barbara smiled. He was always a gentleman. She kissed her phone screen and pulled on her pyjamas. She was no longer angry with him, just sad that he had stepped over their unspoken boundary. Maybe if he had wooed her a little then kissed her in some romantic way, by candlelight, or beside a river or even on the cliffs of Howenstowe, she might have at least given herself a minute to enjoy it before pushing him away. Instead, the silly oaf had kissed her behind a lorry in a busy parking lay-by on a motorway while they were on their way to interview a murderer. "And you expected me to kiss you back?" she grumbled at her mirror as she cleaned her teeth.

She was pleased to snuggle under the warm cover of her duvet. She had two days off before she was on call and it would be the break they needed. She sighed then read three pages of her novel before extinguishing her bedside light. She rolled on her side, yawned, then closed her eyes.

Just before dawn, she woke up with a jump. Her heart pounded against her ribs as she searched for the light switch with her hand. The warm pool of light reassured her. She was in her own bed. There was no gunman and no Tommy. She turned off the light and wriggled down in the bed. She resisted the urge to pull the covers completely over her head.

In the dream, she had been back in that dingy East Anglian pub. She could see the two dark circles of the shotgun pointing at her face. She had taunted the fat policeman, almost begging him to shoot her, until the dark rings had changed into two circles of light, red in the centre and yellow at the edges. She felt the pain in her chest before Tommy was over her calling her name, then crying as he held her in his arms. She regretted acting as she had as she floated away from him. She watched from above as he cradled her body and called her name. She wanted to feel his body against hers. She wanted to feel his lips as she saw him gently kiss her. Instead, she was trapped observing. With effort, she tried to make her way back to him just as PC Garrett raised the gun. Focussed only on Tommy, she had not noticed him reload. He looked at Lynley and she screamed. Tommy was calm. "Do it, so I can be with her."

Garrett shot him. Tommy fell over her body and an ethereal version of him rose and drifted towards her. He was smiling and when he took her in his arms it felt safe and warm. It felt just as it had that day outside the pub but this time, Tommy kissed her. It was so tender and loving that it healed all the pain she had ever felt. She kissed him back as a flood of emotions poured out. She was happy. For the only time in her life, she was completely at peace with herself and the world. Then he vanished leaving her alone and she knew she would never see him again. Life, or perhaps death, started to crush her.

She shook her head to free it from the image. Her breathing calmed but her mind raced as it tried to analyse the dream. It was hardly news to her that she loved him but losing him had been more devastating than she could have imagined. All she wanted was to curl up in his arms. She swore loudly and got up. She would not be able to sleep now.

It was nearly eleven o'clock by the time she had finished cleaning her flat. In the five hours since her nightmare she had vacuumed, scrubbed, washed and even ironed. Her flat was the tidiest it had ever been. Despite the vigour of her cleaning she still felt anxious. She showered hoping the warm water might relax her but nothing worked.

Her thoughts were straying into very dangerous territory. She sat and turned the phone over in her hands for ten minutes before typing her message.

 _Fancy a pint?_

She put the phone on the table and stared at it until it buzzed back, far faster than she had expected.

 _Yes, with lunch perhaps?_

 _Where will I meet you? The usual?_

 _No. I'll pick you up. Noon?_

 _Okay._

 _Thank you Barbara._

She smiled then looked at the clock on the wall. She only had twenty minutes to get ready and think about what she was going to say to him.

* * *

Tommy knocked on her door two minutes early. She took a deep breath and opened it. He looked tired but relieved, almost as if he had not believed she would answer. Dressed in dark jeans, a blue shirt and a midnight blue cable knit jumper he looked svelte and rather sexy. She had never thought of him as the cable-knit type but it suited his bearing. She was tempted to grab him and kiss him then drag him into her flat. She inhaled slowly and dismissed the frivolous idea. "Hiya," she said cautiously.

"Ready?" He seemed nervous but was trying hard to hide it.

"Yeah." _As I'll ever be!_

"I thought we might go somewhere different," he said, "it's a bit of a drive; about an hour. We can go somewhere closer if you prefer."

An hour sitting in his car might be good. She doubted he would want to discuss 'the incident' as he drove. "Sounds fine. As long as they serve decent beer and do good chips."

After a few minutes of silence as he concentrated on skirting around the traffic Tommy began to talk about the weather and then, of all things, an article he had read in the morning paper about the impact of recreational boating on the birdlife of the Thames. She tried hard to focus but eventually just sat back and listened to his smooth voice. She inserted a few 'mmms' and 'fancys' when he paused.

"So I then grabbed the black-tailed godwit by his ears and rode him up and down the river."

"Mmm, interesting."

"You're not really listening to me are you Barbara?"

She looked across guiltily. "No, sorry Sir. I'm not really into swans and ducks today."

"We'll be alright Barbara. I know I upset you but we'll find a way through it. We always do." He gave her one of his best smiles and she felt her heart somersault.

The rest of the journey was much easier. She questioned him about where they were going but he refused to tell her. "Just a pub by the river. It's such a beautiful autumn day I thought it would be nice to sit by the water."

"Sounds good."

"Yes. You can watch the swans and ducks."

She looked over at him. A huge, cheeky grin lit up his face. It was impossible not to love this man and she knew he was right; they would be fine. "I think I'd rather watch you riding your black winged godtwit."

His answering laugh was infectious.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note:** sorry for the delay - I accidentally destroyed the first version of this chapter.

* * *

When her text arrived Tommy was sitting in his car only a street away from her flat. He had been there almost forty minutes trying to work up the courage to knock on her door. He had run through so many scenarios in his head that he was almost dizzy, so her offer to meet for a drink was a godsend.

While he waited impatiently for the minute hand to move up the clock face. He thought about where to take her and decided on The White Cross at Richmond. The tables beside the river would be popular but not crowded on a pleasantly cool autumn afternoon and, if they wanted to, they could sit sipping pints for hours. The pub was not pretentious, which was important today, and did a great steak and ale pie and chips which he knew Barbara would find hard to resist.

He had also promised himself he would make no crazy declarations of love or attempt to kiss her. He would try and find out if he had any chance of success and then court her slowly. He had learnt from his mistake but he had not given up hope. He had definitely not given up hope. If the last few days of minimal contact had proven anything to him it was that he needed her close to him. He was miserable without her.

He straightened his jumper, took a deep breath and knocked. She opened it quickly. Barbara seemed pleased to see him which was an enormous relief. He stood still while she looked him up and down. He was not used to her open appraisal but he patiently obliged as he surreptitiously returned the scrutiny. She looked worried but strangely contented. Her outfit was slightly smarter than normal. Tight black jeans disappeared into calf-length Robin Hood boots. Her forest green shirt added to the theme although he doubted she was after that look. He smiled at her effort and tried hard not to think how attractive she was standing there. He wondered if perhaps she had dressed up for him. _Does she consider this a date?_ His heart leapt into his throat.

"Ready?" He tried to sound nonchalant.

"Yeah."

The conversation in the car was contrived and unnatural. He knew she had switched off but he kept talking so she would continue to look at him. She was admiring him. He had caught glimpses of it before but now it was open and he liked it, a lot. Today held more promise than he had thought.

They quickly fell back into their bantering routine. He reassured her they would be fine and they were. As predicted Barbara ordered the pie while he selected a minted lamb steak. She enjoyed the chips and helped herself to some off his plate as they chatted about his brother, stray sheep eroding the clifftops at Howenstowe and the office gossip. Tommy was happy.

On their third pint Barbara began to spin her glass in her hand. "I understand now," she said cryptically, not looking at him.

He stalled for time and a clue. "Mmm, about what?"

"How dreams can frighten you. Make you say things you don't mean but at the time you think you do."

Lynley's warning bells rang like Big Ben on New Year's Eve. "What makes you say that?"

"Last night. I had a nightmare about Garrett shooting both of us. It made me realise how important our friendship is to me. I can see why a dream could cause you to say what you did. They magnify everything so it becomes frightening. It's natural to think those feelings are real."

Tommy wanted to argue and tell her it was very real for him. "I thought it was you that said dreams are the window to the soul?"

She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, I did, but they are easy to misread too."

He did not want to argue and end up back where they had been for the last few days. "Did I offend you the other day?"

"No, it was...flattering."

Tommy took a sip of his beer to disguise his fear. "But you could never feel that way about me?"

Barbara blushed a deep red. "It's not that...exactly."

Tommy took another sip to hide his grin. "You're scared I'm wrong and it'll ruin all this?" He swept his hand about to indicate their afternoon.

"Yeah. I am. No offense but I'm hopeless when it comes to men and you're not very good with women."

"Really? Have they complained?" Tommy was horrified. He prided himself on being an attentive and generous lover, even with the women he had regretted inviting into his bed.

Barbara laughed. "You're such a...man sometimes. It's alright, your ego can relax I've only heard good things about your performances."

Tommy sat up a little straighter. "Good, I'd hate to think anyone was dissatisfied."

Barbara shook her head. "Notches in the belt."

Tommy heard the disapproval in her last few comments. "No, never that," he said sincerely. "It's always been about loneliness and searching for something I've never been able to find. I'm not proud of that Barbara but at times you just need to feel wanted, even when you know most of them only want to brag about bedding a lord or have their eye on my wallet. Don't you ever get lonely?"

"Not really. I've learned to accept that it's just me. I have work and...friendships, that keep me going."

Tommy reached out and took her hand. He gently caressed her knuckles with his thumb. "So do I and if it helps I haven't been with a woman since Julia."

"That's nearly twelve months!"

Tommy removed his hand. "Don't say it as if I can't live without sex. It was _never_ just about sex."

This time, Barbara reached out and briefly covered his hand. "I know. I'm sorry. But Sir you can't mistake what we have for love either. Well not that sort of love. I'm not the type of woman you need."

"I think I know that better than you. You thought I needed Helen!" He had not meant to sound harsh but it had come out as a bitter recrimination. Barbara tried to remove her hand but he grabbed it and held it firmly. "I'm sorry Barbara, that was unnecessary. I thought I was in love with her. I was in many ways but not as a husband should be. We were good friends that tried to be in love but there was no fire, no real passion. I didn't want a marriage of duty and neither did Helen. That's why she left. I wasn't really present in our marriage. We couldn't give each other what we needed."

"But she came back and you were...happy."

"At first yes but it was fading. The old seams were starting to open up. But I didn't want her to die. I never wanted that. I did love her in my own way and I still miss her but she wasn't the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

He noticed the tears in the corner of her eyes that threatened to spill. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business."

Tommy tried his best smile and hoped it looked genuine. "None of it was your fault, Barbara."

She smiled tightly and held up her glass. "Do you want another one or should we head back?"

Tommy glanced at the clock on the wall behind her. It was not yet three o'clock and he did not want to go back to London. "Fancy a walk?"

"Okay," she said unconvincingly.

They walked down the river towards the lock in silence. The footpath gave way to the narrower tow path so Tommy moved closer to her. He wanted to take her hand but he knew it would scare her. Instead he decided to ask her something he had being burning to know. "I know you get lonely too Barbara. That's why you used that ridiculous dating agency, but what sort of man are you looking for? What will make you happy?"

"Should we even be talking about this?"

"I'd like to know."

Barbara sighed. "So you want me to say that I'm looking for someone tall, dark and handsome like you!"

Tommy smiled, knowing he could tease her. "So you think I'm tall dark and handsome!"

"It was a figure if speech." She was trying to sound cross but she was smiling.

"No, seriously Barbara. What were you looking for?"

"I don't know. I was lonely but I'm reconciled to it now. I guess I wanted someone who understood me and liked me anyway. Can't we just drop this?"

"They can only understand you when you let them know you."

"And I can only do that when I trust them enough."

"You trusted me enough. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Yes, as a friend, but I don't really need anyone in _that_ way."

"Stop equating love and sex Barbara. They're not the same. Trust me on that one at least. And with the right person..."

He could tell from her expression that her hackles were starting to rise. "And of course, you're the right man to change that. One night with you and suddenly everything in the world will be better."

"No, I'm not saying that at all. I was going to say with the right person it doesn't matter, it's about how you make each other feel. But I'm not convinced that we can't be good together either. You make me feel alive and I want to spend my life with you, Barbara."

"No, you don't. Not really. Loneliness remember. I'm just here but...I'm not what you want. Not really."

He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "What will it take to convince you?"


	4. Chapter 4

"What will it take to convince you?"

His words reverberated in her head. She wanted to scream in frustration. Nothing would convince her. _Why can't you see that?_

"Barbara, just tell me and I'll do it."

She decided to take the gamble, hoping she could stay strong. "Kiss me."

Tommy stopped walking and stared at her. They had walked under Twickenham Road and were under the arch of trees near the lock. "Here?"

"No, on the moon. Yes here. Of course, if you don't want to then...oh!"

Tommy's speed surprised her. Abruptly he pulled her behind one of the big trees that wept over the path. They had barely stopped before he pulled her into his arms. He looked at her face with such a caring expression that she forgot to breathe. His dark eyes seemed to peer into her soul and she felt her resolve start to slip. The green shadows of the trees made it seem surreal and even though children and dogs played nearby in the park, she was alone on the planet with Tommy. She planned to kiss him back but without the ardour and fire she knew he sought. It would be hard because every cell in her body was screaming at her to show him her love. It was a dangerous game and she knew she would regret it later but it was important for him to realise she was not the woman he needed. His eyes were brooding pools of mystery and danger and they sucked her into his spell.

His lips were soft. She had expected him to kiss her mouth hard as he had before but this time his face brushed her forehead then her cheeks. His lips barely touched her skin and they lingered until their heat spread to her. A heady mix of aftershave and manliness filled her nostrils. She felt her face blushing and she grabbed his upper arms to brace herself against the insistent push of his body. She inhaled sharply as he kissed her chin. Desire rippled through her, threatening her plan. The moment of truth was coming and she gripped him harder.

He had not been her partner for a decade without understanding how her mind worked. He took heart that she was testing him. Tommy expected her kiss to be deliberately indifferent and passionless so he carefully avoided her lips trying to heighten the tension. As he rubbed his cheek against Barbara, her fingers dug into his biceps. Her skin was hot and her breath ragged. She tilted her head back as if to escape but it opened her throat to him. He traced light kisses down over her windpipe. He smiled as she swallowed. Air escaped in a soft moan. He teased her with his constant movement, never settling on one part of her skin but exploring her neck and her ears and the small patch of exposed shoulder. At the base of her throat, he unhurriedly sucked at her skin, just hard enough to leave a light mark she would see in her mirror and know he had been there. With the tip of his tongue he snaked his way back to her chin. He broke off contact and her fingers released their grip. Just as he sensed her relax he placed his lips tenderly onto hers.

Barbara was taken by surprise. No one had ever worshipped her as Tommy was doing. She had withstood his initial assault without wavering, more because she did not believe it was happening than any real intention to ignore it. But as his lips pressed eagerly on hers, she had to quickly decide how far to respond. It had been years since anyone had kissed her and her inexperience could work for or against her. She regretted her three pints as they made her more carefree, more willing to kiss him the way she had often dreamt. She took a deep breath to steel herself against the movement she knew was inevitable but when he began to tickle her bottom lip with his tongue her world exploded in fire and she unconsciously melted into him. "Oh God! Tommy!"

Tommy felt her give in but he did not want to claim victory. At the sound of his name uttered with such sweet surprise he stopped and held her to him. She sighed heavily and stayed very still as he locked her head under his chin. He knew she would still fight against it but he hoped he was convincing her she was wrong. It was important to get this next kiss right. He pulled back slowly and placed his hands on the sides of her face. He kissed her forehead again before returning to her lips. This time, as his lips probed hers he pressed gently against her face. Her mouth fell open just enough for his lips to capture and caress hers. She did not resist but she offered no help. He tugged on her lips tempting her to respond. She tasted of beer and chips and he smiled against her mouth as her arms came around him. He used his thumb to massage the spot just behind her earlobe. Her moan seemed to come from her toes and she opened to him. He wasted no time.

Barbara did not expect her body to defy her mind and want him so badly. As his tongue chased hers around her mouth she was trying not to give in, not to kiss him back. Then he caught her and it was over. At first, she tried to move away, hide in the last sanctuary she had, but her hands had tangled in his hair and she was pulling him closer. She felt a knot in the tree press sharply into her back as he bent her backwards. Their bodies were stretched against each other. His heat warmed her and she wanted to wrap her legs behind his and hold him forever.

When her tongue began to seek out his he slowly withdrew. She followed it into his mouth and he knew she had forgotten her plan. He allowed himself a deep, satisfied groan as they kissed. It seemed new and exciting and yet comfortable as if they had been doing this for years. He felt every argument she was having with him about why this was wrong or would never last. Each time he responded with steadiness and love until all her arguments faded and they finally stopped kissing.

Barbara rested her face on his chest and felt the cable-knit imprint her face. His body had warmed the wool and he smelt cuddly, like a favourite old teddy. He was stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head. "I love you, Barbara."

"I know."

"Do you? Do you understand yet that this is real?"

She was still panting from their kiss. "Yes...It scares me, but yes...I've been in love with you for years Tommy. I was safe while you never felt it too."

"I did, I just never understood that wanting to be with you, needing you, was the love I was seeking everywhere else." Tommy cuddled her closer to him. Her breath through his jumper and shirt was soothing but he wanted to feel her face on his skin. He closed his eyes and savoured the reassuring fullness of her in his arms. From her kiss, he could tell Barbara was a far more passionate woman than he had imagined and he knew making love to her would be special.

"It would never have worked then. It may not work now. You're not a normal man."

Tommy moved even closer and gently rubbed his hips against hers. "I think you'll find I am a _very_ normal man Barbara." He leant down and kissed her again in a sweet, steamy promise.

Barbara wanted him. She needed him in a way she had repressed for years. It was raw, urgent and consuming. Now that she had failed to convince him she was going to follow this through for all it was worth. She kissed him hard, almost brutally crushing his lips against his teeth. "So did you think ahead and book a room here?"

"No! I did not! I would never have presumed that Barbara."

"I don't mind. If you want to find one here...before we come to our senses and change our minds."

Tommy nuzzled into her neck. "I'm not going to change my mind Barbara but I'm not going to rush this either, no matter how much I want to right this minute."

"I'm not sure I can wait to get back to London."

"Patience Barbara." Tommy smiled at her so lovingly that she felt guilty for wanting him so badly.

She straightened herself and brushed down her jacket. "Sorry, I...well I thought..."

Tommy's restraint was failing. He kissed her again. "You think I don't want that too? I do Barbara, more than you will know but I want it to be special. I want to make love to you Barbara. I want champagne and roses and silk sheets. I want time to introduce my lips to every inch of your skin. I want to lie back and enjoy your tongue tracing the contours of my body. I want our first time together to take hours, not minutes. I want us to lie together when we're ninety and talk about every minute because we remember it so clearly because every movement, every kiss and every word we say stemmed from our love. I want us to fall asleep in each other's embrace and have nothing but sweet dreams about our love."

As she listened to him Barbara smiled. He was a true romantic, caught up in the wonder of love. She could see what he had meant about love and sex. He was talking about making love to her soul, not her body. She felt her knees weaken. She loved him dearly and, at last, she could see he truly loved her too. She kissed him again. "And how long would it take to arrange all that?" she asked cheekily.

"Well it is the weekend, and I could make a few phone calls..." Tommy could not resist kissing her. "By the time we get back to my house I would think!"

"Race you to the car!" She ran ahead of him and he laughed as he ran hard to catch up. She would keep surprising him but he was looking forward to every minute.


End file.
